Hey sweet girl. I know it's been a while since I've wrote you, it's a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. I miss you more than words can describe. You would be close to being 4 months old right now and everyday I wonder what you'd look like: me or your daddy, your smile, your cute little reactions to your big brother playing with you. I try to keep busy so that days won't be so hard on me. Your brother is stronger than I ever that he would be. I never realized what a special gift God had given me through your brother: we were on our way to your Aunt Kelsea's birthday party and Ethan said to me "Mommy I get sad sometimes like you and daddy, but I'm not supposed to cry." When I asked him why he wasn't supposed to cry he told me "because Hailee Kate told me that she didn't want me to be sad that she wanted me to be happy" I turned around in the car and just looked at him, I couldn't believe the words coming out of your 3 year old brothers mouth. Then he just looked at me and said "but it's okay that you and daddy are still sad and cry." It made my heart melt. I'm not sure I will ever understand how he can be so strong at such a young age but he constantly talks about you! He loves when we go visit you because there's still a small pile of dirt and he thinks you've left dirt clumps for him to play with. Oh sweet girl there's nothing in this world that I wouldn't do to have you back here with us! This month is a tough one because your brother's birthday is coming up and I can't help but to think what the party would be like with you here... I just know that he'd want you to be dressed up as Princess peach at the Mario party! :)
There are so many days that I just want to stop everything and break down and cry but I know that I have to be strong for your brother, although there's times when i think he's stronger than me. I can't believe that it's close to you being 4 months old. It seems just like yesterday that I was in the hospital waiting for your arrival. I'd never been so nervous, sad & excited at the same time before. I like to think that you would look like me if you were here today. I know you had my hair and my skin complexion but I wish I knew if you had my laugh, my eyes or my loud mouth :) I know that you'd have your daddy wrapped around your finger and your big brother would be very protective of you. I think of you daily and can't wait till the day where I get to see you again! I like to think that you've met everyone that we know up there! And I know that if you have there's a few that know how to put a smile on your face! :)
Know that you are always on my mind! I love you and miss you more than words can ever explain!! Until next time.... Love, Mommy!!!
